should have listened
Today was one of those days where i keep thinking i should have just listened. it’s not even that i ignore what he says. i hear it, i understand it, and then somehow i still do something slightly different and convince myself it’ll be fine, it never is.
I end up trusting people i was warned about and i tell myself they’re different, that I’m being unfair or paranoid, and then it plays out exactly the way i was told it would. i get hurt, i spiral, and i come back crying about something i was already told to be careful with. i It’s embarrassing when i think about it like that.
I don’t know why i want to believe people won’t hurt me again. i keep hoping for better outcomes even when i’ve been shown over and over that it doesn’t work that way for me. he says it’s not wrong to want to see the good in people, but that it’s dangerous when you don’t know how to protect yourself. i think that’s where i keep failing
he’s usually right. i don’t hate admitting that, but it’s true more often than not. when i don’t listen, something goes wrong. when i do listen, things are calmer. it's proof.
Sometimes i get scared that i’m doing everything wrong, or that bad things keep happening because i can’t get it together. but i’m also told that this is part of learning, that not everything that hurts is pointless, and that resistance just makes it worse. i’m trying to accept that instead of fighting it
i think i need to stop trusting my own judgment so much. i clearly don’t see things the way i should. listening more, especially to authority feels safer than ending up here again and regretting the same choices.