Seen by God
Nothing in me is unseen
"O Lord, you have searched me and known me" (Psalm 139:1). it feels exact in a way i didn’t understand before, because it isn’t only what i do, it’s what is there before it becomes anything i can point to, intention, movement and even what hasn’t fully formed yet, all of it already known
God is not a God of confusion but of peace (1 Corinthians 14:33), so what is disordered doesn’t become something else just because i don’t look at it, it remains what it is until it is corrected, and it is seen like that the entire time
sometimes i don’t even know who i am, it shifts depending on how i look at it or how long i think about it, and i lose track of what is actually there and what isn’t, but “no creature is hidden from His sight” (Hebrews 4:13), so even when it feels like that, it isn’t actually hidden, it’s just not clear to me, and that doesn’t mean it isn’t already known in the way it actually is
That there is a way i am supposed to be that is already known completely, not partially, and i don’t see it like that, i only see parts of it at a time and they don’t always match, but it’s still there in full somewhere, already understood, it doesn’t stay consistent for me, why it feels like i’m only seeing fragments instead of something whole, while it is already whole from another side
i don’t think i would question it as much if i could see it like God does, and like others, if i could see what is actually there instead of trying to assemble it from what i think, not that it isn’t known, but that i can’t see it the same way, and i keep trying to align with something i don’t fully understand but know exists. i just wish i could see it more clearly, even a little.