Quiet beginnings
this is the first post on here. i am not home right now, and i never really liked writing my thoughts in a physical diary anyway. my handwriting gets messy and uneven, and sometimes i cannot even read what i wrote later. my hand starts hurting pretty fast too, so typing feels easier.
i do not really know where to start. he told me to just write it down, to put things somewhere i can return to without feeling overwhelmed. so i guess this is me trying to do that. trying to let my thoughts land somewhere instead of keeping them all inside.
it will be christmas soon. i am not sure if i will celebrate. i want to. i will try my best to. i have always loved going to christmas mass, especially when the choir starts. i cannot sing well at all, but when everyone is singing together my voice disappears into theirs, and no one can hear how off-key i am. it feels comforting in a strange way, like i can be part of something without anyone noticing the parts of me that do not fit.