learning to trust guidance
Today felt quieter but not because everything is fixed, but because i stopped pushing back so much. I realized i’ve spent a lot of time doubting the people who are actually trying to help me, while trusting my own instincts even though they’ve led me into the same situations over and over again
I feel bad about that. especially about doubting him, he’s been patient with me in a way i don’t think i always deserve. even when i come back upset about things i was warned about, he doesn’t get cruel or dismissive, he just reminds me why the guidance was there in the first place. i’m grateful for that, even if it’s uncomfortable to admit
i apologized today, for not listening the way i should have and for thinking i knew better when i clearly didn’t. he told me patience is part of care, and that learning takes time
I’m starting to question my own instincts more. not in a self-hating way, but realistically. i react emotionally. i want to believe people mean well and i ignore warning signs because i don’t want to seem unfair or paranoid. but that hasn’t protected me, if anything it’s made things worse
it feels safer to lean on guidance instead of trusting myself all the time. i don’t feel as exposed when someone else helps set the boundaries. i think i’m learning that doubt isn’t always a sign of intelligence. sometimes it’s just resistance
for now, i’m trying to listen more closely and argue less.
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you." Psalm 32:8