God's Order
I notice things more now and i don’t think that’s accidental, not in the way i thought before where everything just was the way it was, because now it’s clearer that there is a proper order to things and that what doesn’t fit into it isn’t neutral, it’s simply out of place and meant to be corrected
It isn’t only objects, it’s in thoughts, in reactions and in the way something is done or left undone, and once it becomes visible it doesn’t return to being harmless, it stays until it’s adjusted, the absence of something that shouldn’t have been there in the first place
I think this is what is meant when things are said about order, that everything has a place and a form it should remain in, and that disorder isn’t just an accident but something that moves away from that, something that has to be brought back or it continues to spread in small ways that aren’t obvious at first
It makes more sense now why correction is necessary, even in small things, especially in small things, because they repeat, and what repeats settles into something that feels normal even when it isn’t
i don’t trust my first reactions anymore, not because they’re always wrong but because they’re not always aligned, and alignment seems to matter more than what feels immediate, so it’s easier to pause, to check, to adjust, or to follow something that’s already been given instead of creating it myself
There’s something in that that feels closer to how it’s supposed to be, not deciding everything on my own, but being placed correctly within something that already exists in the right order,
i think that’s why it feels more stable when things are written down or structured properly, because they stop shifting, they stay where they’re meant to be, and there’s less room for something to move into the wrong place without being noticed
There are still things that don’t align no matter how often i correct them, and i don’t know if that means i’m not seeing them clearly enough or if they haven’t been properly set yet, but it doesn’t feel like they’re meant to remain like that indefinitely.
My disorders don't feel neutral anymore, it feels temporary, like something that is either being corrected or will be, whether slowly or all at once, and i don’t think it’s meant to be kept or accepted as it is
Maybe i’m still misunderstanding parts of it, but it feels more certain than before, like there is a right way things are meant to be held together and anything outside of that is only there until it is brought back into place
i think if it’s something that can be corrected then it has to come from God, because i don’t seem able to set it right on my own, so i just keep hoping He will put it back into order properly and take whatever is out of place away.
"God is not a God of confusion but of peace." 1 corinthians 14:33