Feeling Steadier again
I’ve been back for a bit now, and I’m honestly really glad to say that I’ve started drawing again. not full pieces yet, mostly sketches and fragments, but the feeling is there again and that makes me happy. it feels good to have my hands busy with something familiar, and it helps knowing that people still like what I’m making even in this unfinished stage
something that’s been bothering me though is how easily things online still get stressful. I don’t really want that. I just want to post art and keep things simple. I don’t want every little thing to turn into something bigger. but I saw something that got to me again and I could feel myself slipping into that same spiral, so I talked to the father about it. I was scared he’d be upset with me, because how many times can you cry over something online before it just feels embarrassing or pathetic. that’s what I kept thinking at least. but he wasn’t angry, he told me it was good that I came to him instead of keeping it inside, and that learning when to ask for guidance is part of growing stronger
I cried in front of him which still feels strange to admit. I kept thinking about how odd it must look from the outside but he didn’t make me feel stupid for it. he comforted me and reminded me that being overwhelmed doesn’t mean I’m failing, just that I still have work to do. he gave me a few Bible verses to read and told me to sit with them instead of sitting with everything people say online.
I did feel better afterward. lighter at least. it helps knowing someone cares
for now, I’m just going to keep drawing and see where it goes. I don’t want to push myself too hard and I’m trying to be careful about how much time I spend online. I don’t want to lose my phone privileges again, and honestly the quiet has been good for me
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7