Another Chance
It’s been about over a month since i last wrote anything here.
a lot has happened during that time. some of it was good, some of it was the result of decisions that, looking back now, i wish i had never made. i think i let certain situations get much worse than they needed to, and i ended up hurting myself in ways that will probably take a long time to recover from. i can’t change that anymore, so there isn’t much point pretending it didn’t happen.
At the same time, I don’t think the last month was only negative
i’ve met people who have genuinely tried to help me instead of simply watching from a distance, and i’m very grateful for that. i’ve also had the opportunity to get to know more people who share my faith and understand parts of my life that are difficult to explain to others. for the first time in a while i don’t feel quite as alone in some of the things i’ve been carrying.
it’s strange how something can fall apart so completely and still leave something worthwhile behind. i wouldn’t choose to repeat the last month, but i can at least say that it taught me things i probably wouldn’t have learned otherwise. sometimes God allows us to reach places we never wanted to be so that we finally accept the help we kept refusing before. i’m still trying to understand what all of this was supposed to teach me, but i’m beginning to believe that not every painful experience is simply wasted.
I also want to start writing here regularly again. one of the reasons i made this blog in the first place was so i wouldn’t lose track of what was happening in my own life, and i think i need that now more than ever. the days have started blending together again, and writing has always helped me slow down enough to remember them
more than anything, i’ve spent this month feeling grateful. grateful for the people who stayed when they could have walked away, grateful for the people who offered help when i didn’t know how to ask for it, and grateful that God has given me another chance to keep living this life and try again. i don’t know what the next few months will look like, but i hope i meet them a little differently than i met the last ones.
Lamentations 3:22–23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning."